Most of us have something in our lives which we are not 100% happy with that has been hanging around for quite a while.
We say we don't like it, we complain about it and yet it seems to be mighty comfortable in our lives!
Does any of this ring a bell?
Everything is fine except...
that I spend more money than I have every month
that I don't like my job and haven't for months or years
that I don't see my friends much
that I don't get around to exercising
that I still have this weight I want to lose
that I lose so much time to being online
and so on...
The conversation that has been taking place internally or between you and your compadres may have been going on a long time.
So pray tell, why is it still happening?
The answer: It's working for you.
You don't have to like it for it to be doing a job for you.
So it's time to ask, what's it's purpose. Get honest.
Does that behaviour...
Get you out of trying and potentially failing?
Protect your image and identity?
Stop you from grieving what you need to?
Stop you from facing what you don't like in your life?
Keep you playing smaller than you would?
Protect you from the negative judgement of others?
Make you feel safe (a big one with women and unwanted weight)?
Protect you from reliving past heartbreak? e.g. commitment phobe after a big heart break
The bottom line is that these self-sabotage behaviours are often, but not always, about avoiding vulnerability. They are really self-protection behaviours that aren't so helpful.
The challenge is to dig deep and work out why you're really hanging onto that unwanted behaviour and then what you might do about it.
Talk with a trusted friend, coach or counsellor and get some clarity around the behaviour, then, if you wish, find a new way of protecting yourself, one that lets you grow and thrive.
Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.