Do you ever really switch off? Why it needs to be your top priority.

Do you dream of feeling deeply relaxed, of waking up fresh and ready to go?

Much of the answer lies in learning how to switch off and recover from your day, every day.

So I’d like to share with you what I learnt from some research presented at the Wellbeing at Work Conference last week in Amsterdam.

It all revolves around the idea of recovery.

We know that athletes include rest days in between training to ensure that their bodies recover and their muscles work effectively, but how many of us give ourselves mental recovery from our busy lives each day?

Switching off devices, not thinking about work and having restorative time is essential to mental health and wellbeing.

Did you hear me? Switching off.

Let me repeat. Switching off. Relaxing. Not thinking about work or being on your phone or computer.

Here's the thing, switching off doesn't just matter at the time, it matters for how we sleep, therefore our recovery and how we start the next day.

If you don't switch off, your heart activity is negatively affected ALL NIGHT. So you don't recover properly from your day. 

Without proper sleep and recovery, we start every new day a little wired and can't make the kind of decisions and actions we want to to support our best lives. 

Switching off, sleep and recovery are the cornerstones of your dream life, because they are the foundation of relaxation, joy, creativity and great decision-making.  

You might not know what switching off would look like. As much as I try to focus on this, it's still something that is quite foreign to me, as someone who tends to jam in things when my daughter is in bed. 

You may need to spend time working out what you could do to switch off.

Follow your nose to anything that makes you feel a little bit happier or more alive. To anything that twigs your interest, not just habit or a cheap thrill (like checking Facebook for the billionth time). 

Like I mentioned in my post about night routines, give your phone and other devices a bedtime – think of something fun to do when they are off, so your brain feels rewarded - FERC it!  

The goal is always to find the ways you need to care best for yourself. 

That's the path to finding a truly joyful and peaceful life.

Let's all focus on really switching off this week!

With love,
Lara xx

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Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Lights on! What sets your heart on fire and why you're not doing it.

This week I caught up with an old colleague from academia. She does great research but was growing bored of her topic and starting to think about what was next.

While we were chatting she went a little off topic and spoke about having recently remembered her passion for social justice through the great examples of Martin Luther King Jr and Malcolm X. 

I got chills.

I pointed out what she just said (the conversation had since moved swiftly along) and you could see a light go on in her whole body. Like it was flooded with electricity.

Her subconscious had just thrown out an amazing clue of where she wanted to go.

Once that spark ignited, her mind was racing and a whole new range of possibilities were fighting for air time in her brain.

It was exciting, to say the least (I have chills again remembering it)!

She is a natural change-maker, drawn to helping professions, yet it seemed she had started reaching for smaller changes than the ones she really wanted to go for. Not to detract from the wonderful things she has achieved - she's awesome - it's more about where she wants to go and what she wants to do.

Later in the conversation she admitted reluctantly that she'd always thought that she had something 'big' to do in the world. 

Have you also had that thought whisper through your mind? That you might be able to live with your heart on fire doing something 'big' in this world?

I bet you have. 

So what happened?

Well, I bet that your little 'helper', the one inside us all always scanning for danger, shuts it down toute suite.

As most of you reading are likely to have your basic needs well and truly met and hopefully are not in physical danger, this hyper-vigilant part of us focuses on potential social danger. 

Heaven knows, it doesn't want you to get on anyone's bad side by not doing exactly what you've been told growing up, or subtly by those around you now. How dare you have big plans or even worse, actually start making them happen! You might make someone feel bad or not be good enough!

That 'helper' panics when you get big ideas. It might be concerned that you're getting grandiose and too big for your boots. 

Rest assured, that deep knowing you have about being able to do something 'big' is not about being grandiose.

The ideas attached to a deep knowing tend to have a different quality about them that isn't all about the ego but about following a compelling yearning (i.e. it's not about getting a super yacht or becoming a billionaire).

They are usually about:

...changing your world in some way - like knowing you can heal from intergenerational trauma and not pass it onto your children, becoming totally you, all the time, no matter what.

...changing the whole world (why not!)- fighting for a particular group in need, getting into politics, contributing to a cause, bringing a new product or piece of art to the world, or starting a revolution!

...meeting another type of soul dream, like achieving a great challenge or meeting a big goal, like climbing Mt Kilimanjaro, mastering an instrument or speaking a language fluently.

So, what are your yearnings, no matter how 'far fetched' they may seem? 

Start dreaming and now notice how fast your brain is to dismiss them as ridiculous, too hard or to bring out the big guns... the shame tapes we ALL have in our minds*:

"Who do you think you are?"

and

"You're not good enough"

We ALL have these tapes. Are you going to take them for the Truth? Or will you choose to light your heart on fire anyway?

Go get em tigers!

Love,

Lara xx

*If you're interested in learning more about shame tapes read about the American social work scholar Dr Brene Brown - these tapes come from interviewing over 10,000 people about shame. It isn't just you ;) 

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

#truthbomb - Your morning routine sucks - what to do instead of being on your phone

You're not alone if checking your phone is the first thing you do every day. In fact 3 of 4 smartphone users are on their phones as soon as they wake up.

This is 'normal' for most of us but lets just let this sink in for a minute. You go straight from sleep to scrolling every single morning.

You're on your phone before you know:

• how you feel
• what you want from your day
• what you have on, or
• to acknowledge (heaven forbid connect with!) who you're sleeping next to.

Um.. those things are kind of important...

If you go straight to work emails, you're at work from waking. That's a lot of unpaid overtime.

If you go straight to the news, your body's hormones will bounce around according to what you're reading. 

You're not in your life or your body. You're greater needs aren't being met. You're numb at one level and getting your dopamine hits at another but not living into your own body, surrounds or life. 

Anyone who wants to approach their day from a place of calm and clearheadedness (particularly parents, managers and well, everyone) will see their life transform with a good start to the morning.

Let's talk morning routines! 

What could yours look like?

1. Some kind of quiet - you don't have to meditate, you could just do a 'body scan' to see how you're feeling, check in with yourself emotionally and take some deep breaths.

2. Some kind of movement - dance, stretch, do five minutes of yoga or pilates, wiggle around. Whatever and where ever the spirit moves you. 

3. Some kind of nuturing to yourself. Do you love a cup of tea or coffee? Put it in your favourite mug and drink it without distraction. Taste it. Dress yourself with care, not like some angry and swift attendent who wants their shift to end. Make a breakfast you will enjoy, not just what is easiest.

4. Set an intention of how you want to interact with people in your life. Happily? With patience? With love? With strength? Whatever, it will make a difference.

Give yourself a minute to daydream about how your perfect morning would be and then live it, just for tomorrow. See how you feel and adjust accordingly.

Without your phone, you'll be more creative, aware and centred. The world will adjust accordingly, just you wait.

* Now I know that it's hard working around kids in the morning, particularly when they wake early or their sleeping patterns are all over the place. Just try to do whichever steps are possible for you each morning. Some will work out better than others, but the intention will be there and be a benefit regardless. 

Go gently, 

Lara xx

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.

Five reasons you are sabotaging your dreams and how to stop!

You know that feeling when lots of good things are happening and you wonder when something will go pear-shaped? The worry creeps in… our minds start to find problems where there aren’t any…

For some reason, once the initial celebration or joy has passed, we can feel pretty uncomfortable with life going well.

This is when our frenemy, self-sabotage, comes to visit.

Acts of self-sabotage can be large or small. It might look like binge eating after realising you’ve lost some weight. Like landing your dream job and going home and picking a fight with your partner.

For me, it looked like getting lots of coaching clients and feeling extremely happy and then having a sudden urge to be in a cave with a lot of food and a good internet connection. 

It was SO puzzling, for about a day. Then I realised what was going on. Self-sabotage. So what lies behind self-sabotage?

The Upper Limit Problem.

Gay Hendricks coined the term ‘Upper Limit Problem’. He writes ‘each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy’.  When we hit that upper limit, we self-sabotage to bring us back down to a level we are comfortable with.

It sounds crazy, but we are often more comfortable with the status quo than something better.

The upper limit is usually set in early childhood, based on the values and beliefs of our families and communities.

It’s time to shine a light on what’s really beneath it all.

There are five key ways that we undermine our successes in relationships, career, health and life in general.  

They are all based on false beliefs that feel true.

1.     We are fundamentally flawed.

People will find out that we are talentless, annoying, stupid and unlovable. It’s only a matter of time, so let’s not give them a chance.

It’s basically imposter syndrome but throughout any and every aspect of life.

2.     We will be abandoned or disloyal to significant others if our lives go really well.

This is the fear that our loved ones will ultimately reject us if we succeed in areas that they have failed in or that they disapprove of.

This fear is built on family rules and guilt.

3.     More success, bigger burden.

This belief tells us that the more we succeed in our lives, the bigger burden we will become, which links back to fear of rejection and isolation.

A classic area that comes to mind is success in looking after yourself with food intolerances. For those of us who can’t just eat anything and everything, the more we succeed in self-care, the more we can feel like a burden to those around us.

4.     Outshining.

We all know this one pretty well, especially in Australia with Tall Poppy Syndrome. There is a pretty strong cultural norm – don’t shine too bright or no one will like you. You’ll be insufferable!

But more than that, this belief says that by shining bright you will make others look or feel bad. We react to these thoughts by dimming our lights or by stopping ourselves from enjoying our success too much.

5.     Fear of pain and loss. 

I’m adding this one to Hendricks’ list, as in some areas of life the transformation that is beckoning us comes tinged with fear about future emotional pain and loss of identity, status, income and relationships. 

Fear of pain and loss comes out in people frightened of becoming parents, those undertaking a serious spiritual evolution, wanting to change careers or following other passions that push you from your comfort zone.

Hendricks outlines a range of clues that you are self-sabotaging:

·      Worrying;

·      Blame and criticism;

·      Getting sick;

·      Squabbling;

·      Hiding significant feelings;

·      Not keeping agreements; 

·      Deflecting (e.g. ignoring compliments).

So what to do?

First off, calm your body and get out of fight, flight or freeze mode. Take 10 deep belly breaths to clear your head and get your hormones humming a happier tune.

Then be in your body. Feel your feet on the floor, bum on the seat.  Try to notice one thing you can see, touch, taste, feel and smell.

Next, get curious and engage with what’s going on. Often the easiest way to get to the bottom of things is to talk with someone you trust or to write down what’s going on. Think about the different reasons for self-sabotage and see what clicks in your body or resonates with you ‘it feels true’.

Lastly, accept how your subconscious is trying to protect you, be kind to yourself about it (laugh even!) but don’t believe the fear. 

Fear's message is basically, STOP IT!

To paraphrase Elizabeth Gilbert - fear will always be in the car with us, but it does not get to choose the radio station or the snacks, it does not get to give directions and most of all, it does NOT get to drive.

So go on, say hi to the fear, love it for it's good intentions and then get back to living the life you want!

If you'd like fantastic one-on-one support in overcoming self-sabotage and living the life you yearn for, drop me a line! lara@setmefree.coach

Add in the comments what your usual form of sabotage is and how you handle it!

I'd love to journey with you. 

Go gently,

Lara xox

P.S. For those of us feeling inspired, it might be time for some old-school tunes  and a sing-along. Take it away Bachelor Girl!

Hi, I'm Dr Lara Corr, life coach and researcher in work and wellbeing. I coach successful 30 and 40 somethings who want more fulfilling or bigger careers but doubt themselves and their options. I help them get out of their own way, find direction and go for what they really want.

Connect with me via Facebook and Instagram.