One of the most common reason women come to me is for help making a career decision.
They are spinning in indecision about choices such as:
Staying in or leaving their job.
Increasing or decreasing hours for family reasons.
Changing fields
Doing extra study (Masters, PhD)
If they should go for a new job or promotion
At the root of indecision is being smart enough to think through all the pros and cons!
A new skill you need is to know exactly what YOU want and then to get your mind on board to support and enable you to act.
You know when you wake up and just want to stay in bed all day?
You might be sick, exhausted, have chronic conditions or be emotionally flat or anxious.
Maybe it's PMS or some family issue.
Whatever the reason, it's normal to have days when you feel blah.
It is part of life's 50/50.
Confidence is trust in yourself.
Do you struggle with a lack of self-confidence at work?
I think we have a strange idea of what confidence is.
Yes, it is about a positive view of ourselves and our capacity but to me, it's more than that.
Confidence is about trusting ourselves to be able to be resourceful and to survive or even thrive under difficult circumstances.
Building confidence can start very simply and powerfully by looking back at all the times you were resourceful and persisted.
Now that I'm feeling settled into the year a bit more, I've realised that I'm not using my time nearly as well as I could be.
I'm not saying this from a perfectionistic approach, I'm saying this from a.... whoops, I stopped paying attention and my day disappeared realisation!
You know how it is, you get a little less conscious of organisation or of following through with your plans.
Before you know it, you're losing chunks of time that you could be doing great things with!
If this is you, join me today to begin to reset.
Do you find yourself going round and round with the same thoughts that make you mad, sad or anxious?
Here is a fun tool that I learned from Dr Martha Beck - Your Greatest Hits.
Listen in on your mind as it goes down its usual path that takes you from, say, 'I wish that had gone better' all the way to 'I'll never be good enough'.
You might notice that you go through the same 'Greatest Hits' thoughts each time.
You might know what you'd love to do or maybe you're already doing it... but do you feel worthy of your dream job?
It's not enough just to see a few #ladyboss posts on instagram or read some inspirational autobiography.
Feeling worthy a.k.a. feeling good enough is a combination of a few things.
You can build feeling worthy by doing these two things.
TW: Pregnancy and Infant loss
As we get older, we realise that life doesn't always go to plan, no matter how kind, good or loving we are.
Nothing could be more true than when a child is lost during pregnancy or in infancy.
It's just not fair and can be utterly devastating.
Miscarriage, stillbirth, ectopic pregnancy, SIDS and the death of a newborn can impact on every aspect of a woman's life.
Everyone will respond differently, from wanting to talk about their loss and grieve openly and often, to not wanting to discuss it at all, as if it never happened.
What can you do when returning to work or to support colleagues or staff who are returning after losing a pregnancy or infant?
Have you heard of the River of Misery?
I don't know who coined the phrase, but I learned it from Stacey Boehman and I take it to mean time when you are really upset, *stuck*, feeling all the feelings and thinking all the thoughts.
We all know that place because we've all been there!
Whether you want your work-life to be better because it is dragging you down or simply because you love to tweak and shine, there is a mistake that you may be making.
It is so easy - too easy - to start looking at more than one thing to improve at a time... with horrible results.
Understand the trip your mind takes you on and why, then the first step to avoiding that whole drama and getting done what you want!
Today, let's talk about overwhelm and then how to sort it out!
Yuck. God, I absolutely hate feeling overwhelmed. I felt struck by it yesterday when I saw how many things were on my to-do list for the day (my response was to want to eat all the chocolate cake left in the fridge).
I felt overwhelmed even thought I was excited to do most of them or at least I would know I would be relieved and have the dopamine hit of something to tick off my list ;)
For you, it could be your to-do list or opening your email inbox. Maybe it is a big project ahead of you or what feels like a million smaller projects to complete.
It might be the mix of home and work needs that makes you feel overwhelmed.
You'd know the feeling - tight chest, shallow breathing, brain fog/shut down and a bit of adrenaline with the anxiety. You end up procrastinating, buffering with food, shopping, complaining, the internet etc.
As I said in my post yesterday on emotions, we all feel a range of emotions each day, no matter our life circumstances. I also said that all emotions are appropriate given our thoughts (and other things, like neurotransmitter levels etc).
Here in lies the opportunity to change overwhelm to calm, secure and confident - our thoughts.
Stick with me here. It's not about affirmations.
It's about uncovering what your automatic or unconscious thinking was that made you feel overwhelmed.
Here are some thoughts that may have lead to the overwhelmed feeling...
I don't have enough time.
There is too much to do.
I don't know what do to first.
I'll never get all this done.
It's the thoughts about the tasks/situations that create the feelings.
Another person may open their email and just think 'okay, what's on today, I'll just go through these one at a time' and not feel overwhelmed.
Feeling overwhelm is not compulsory, it's just a thought habit.
We can choose thoughts that make us feel calmer and more in control.
That means you will do better quality work, because the parts of your brain being used is creative, logical, organised and good with planning and executing, instead of fight, flight, freeze or fawn.
So how about finding a thought that gets you the feelings (and results) you want in a potentially overwhelming situation?
Something like - I do can do a lot of this easily and it will take less time than I imagine.
or - Things I find hard I will do tiny bit by tiny bit and ask for help when I need it.
or - I am great at this sh*t, my day will be so satisfying.
Your thoughts aren't facts, or objective. They are your opinion. You can change your thoughts when it serves you to live a more peaceful, happy and satisfying work life.
When you learn to manage your mind, even a little, the results are striking. It's the most important professional and personal development you'll ever do.
Soon you'll be able to do it in Smash It!
In the meantime, find a thought and notice how it makes you feel, then change it to feel even better.
Big love,
Lara xx
I can’t tell you what a rollercoaster most days were for me for much of my life.
I regularly got whiplash from the speed in which I could go from happy to upset, fine to stressed-out or even sad to delighted.
It was tiring and unpredictable.
I felt wired and ‘too sensitive’.
Sure, I could carefully manage how I presented at work (some people remarked on me being laid back and it still makes me cackle - I never corrected them), but internally it was rocky. It left me strung out and with little left at the end of the day or week to really enjoy life to the fullest.
Even if you aren’t as changeable in mood as I was in my pre-coaching life, it’s likely that your mood is dictated by people, places and happenings around you, as well as your inner critic*.
It’s tempting to believe that there is nothing we can do except find the perfect, stress-free job with amazing colleagues and superiors who are always supportive, in a good mood and up for a giggle (or to just become perfect ourselves).
But this daydream is not possible.
What we can find are great places to work and great work that still presses our buttons, be it because we feel like a fraud, or overwhelmed, or simply very self-critical.
Almost four years ago I was bedridden for just shy of a month (and weak/unwell for sometime after it). I didn't know what was wrong with me, when or if it would stop. It was terrifying. I couldn't work, care for my daughter or really do anything except sleep and lie in bed. So how did this come about?
Well the short version is that I burned out.
My body had had enough of working hard, pushing myself like crazy, parenting, finishing a PhD and all.the.things.
I had ignored it, almost completely and just kept going.
I was sure that there were no other options and no other way to do it.
That brings me to lesson #1.
